Monday, May 28, 2007


I don't know what to say anymore. About anything and everything.

What if one day I wake up just to realise that all I ever believed in is gone.

Now, save me.

Monday, May 14, 2007

Cos it takes a lot of courage to feel so strongly for something.

And give it up altogether.

I'm ready to step on court and die for the game.

When I step out of myself, I realise I can't find me back among the indistinguishable mass of individuals. At this moment, I'm Me and I'm Her. Who exactly am I ? When you're right smack in the middle of the crowd of don't-know-who-s, you can't help but feel lost and alone even when you know you're somewhere out there. I'm a bit of you and a bit of the other you. I'm everyone but I'm no one. I am not me because I don't know how Me is like. I don't know what kind of person she is, I don't know her, I just don't have an identity.

Don't ask me to just be myself because I don't know me at all.

Now tell me, do I know you, Jiayun ?

Friday, May 04, 2007

But Dreams End No Matter What, Don't They ?

I was a superhero once more in that yellow and black. Flying, dashing, jumping and really having fun. Even though it was only for two quarters, I thought I did really well.

And she stood there, silent. But not in the usual intimidating way. She leaned against the pillar, arms folded and head tilted. There was something in her that made her appear very relaxed and assured. Then, I knew it.

She stood there being very proud of me.

I know she tried hard to not let it show cos' she never lets emotions show. But her gentle calmness about the game just gave her away.

It's really weird how much we all value her even though she is strict as hell.

After the game, I grinned like a monkey cos' I stood proud of myself, stood really proud of the sport.

But then, I woke up.

And I can't continue with the game anymore. I have walked to the end of the path.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007


Cos I'm feelin' a little more than horrible now. But no one will know cos' no one will understand. Probably not even me. Cos I'm caught up in this web that doesn't allow me to spin out. Cos I just feel so forgotten to the point I'm blinded. I can't see what I do have. I can't see anymore what I really want.

This is when I really need company. Really great company that doesn't allow me a second to wallow in self-pity.

I need to pull myself together real bad. Like no one knows.